So, that day, Lu learned how to say "please, stop yelling at me" and I learned that Mandarin Chinese is a Western concept. Live and learn.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Maria CP Week 2 -- On Rude People and Mandarin Chinese
The second time I met with Lu she was very distressed. Immediately upon seeing me she took me to one of the classrooms, sat me down, and announced that she was very upset. It turned out that one of her classmates had been very rude to her during morning class. He had yelled at her for moving his laptop and continued to do so despite her numerous contrite apologies. She could not understand -- Lu said, with tears welling up to her eyes -- why he would not stop; she had apologized most sincerely, what more did he want? In China people did not treat each other like that! Lu was angry for not being able to defend herself from the unwarranted torrent of abuse this guy had heaped on her. What to do? After assuring her that he had indeed been overly rude, I thought this might be a good opportunity to learn how to deal with this kind of situation the "American way". While I have seen this only on TV and at the airport, the way American women deal with rude people has always fascinated me, mostly because I have never yet been able to emulate it. When a (polite) American woman is being treated rudely, she looks at the culprit in the eye and says with a firm voice: "Please, stop yelling at me" or "There is no need to yell". And she will repeat it unwaveringly until the rude behavior stops; and it does stop. So, Lu and I practiced for a while how to say politely but firmly, "please, stop yelling at me." She felt better after that. Then we got into talking about traveling in China and the different varieties of spoken Chinese. I asked her if she spoke Mandarin Chinese. Not at all, she said, I speak official Chinese. But I thought official Chinese was called Mandarin Chinese. No, no, she said, official Chinese is called "official Chinese" (and she repeated it in official Chinese).
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Shaolin English! I think this was a great way to handle this situation Maria. It is great that she opened up to you and that you were able to give her the tools to, in this case, defend herself. This is very important, especially for lower-level students.
ReplyDeleteSabrina, although your assumption that this guy is "a jerk" is probably valid, I think it is important to consider all the possible factors that contributed to this incident. Was it miscommunication? Was the guy trying to be funny, and came off as being rude? Is Lu at a super sensitive time in her life? Is this reality all but a dream anyway? I think you get my point.
ReplyDeleteYes, if someone moved or touched my laptop I'd give em' some evil eyes before throwing him down...
ReplyDeletetee hee. J/k, but I'd be miffed. The poor girl, though, seriously.
Hey, Maria: Props for handling this so well.
Thank you for the comments! I believe there was some sort of miscommunication on both parts and that it was partially cultural. The guy was Hispanic and I can just imagine him going on an on about nobody touching his laptop (especially a girl), and probably sounding way more angry than he really was. I don't think Chinese people are quite as dramatic, so Lu was totally taken aback. I also don't think she has ever been yelled at, while Hispanics yell at one another all the time, even when they are not angry (I take the liberty of saying this since I am one myself). However, explaining all that would have been beyond her level and, also, I did not want to sound like I was belittling her genuine distress at the situation.
ReplyDelete